I love feeling sore

I love feeling sore!! Honestly. I love it. I’m not being sarcastic. It’s not an altogether unpleasent feeling in itself, but beyond that, it proves I did something. It’s a constant reminder that yesterday wasn’t a waste, and that makes me want to do it again today so I can feel this proud tomorrow.

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Day 2 of 90 day work out plan!

Just did day two of the 90 day workout program. It mixes strength and cardio on various days but today was strength only. Goooooooooddddddd I can barely stand on my legs! Good thing I rather relish the feeling of soreness, because I’m gonna be enjoying it tomorrow.

Also, guess I’d better start this again:

Today’s weight: 185.6lbs
Not so much of a backslide as I was concerned for. Especially after a whole year. This is a good number. I’m happy to keep moving forward, beginning from this number!

Short-term goals!

It’s about time I set some new goals!

I’m having a little trouble getting back into the routine, even though I remember how amazing it made me feel when I was doing it. But this morning, I had my first bowl of oatmeal for the year and, if I’m being completely honest, I feel like the oatmeal was the glue holding all of the other good habits together last time. I wasn’t surprised  when I read yesterday that it’s one of the five major metabolism boosters. It always gives me SO MUCH energy. Or rather, when I don’t have it, I feel like my head and body is full of wool.

So before I get side-tracked and once again forget to post this, it’s about time for me to set some short-term goals! Firstly, I’ve endeavored to make it a tradition that I only ever set goals (ie, talk about what I need to improve on), after I’ve isolated what I’m already doing well. Especially after undergoing leadership & feedback training at work, I see how super important it is to give myself a pat on the back before talking about what I need to do next. I’ll admit, I haven’t done very much so far in 2014 relating to health & fitness, so it’s going to look a bit sparse compared to last year’s acheivement/goal breakdown. But that’s alright! It just gives me more to do!

Achievements thus far; January 2014

  • Maintained an average weight of around 187lbs during the school year when other commitments meant I barely thought about health & fitness at all.
  • Got a job working outside which entails between 3-5 hours of walking per day.
  • Bought a new fitbit and changed the goal from 10,000 steps per day to 15,000. Most days I hit this goal!
  • Started actively drinking more water.
  • Updating MyFitnessPal fairly regularly

Those are my smallish achievements so far this year. Now let’s talk about what I’m going to be achieving soon!

Achievements I’d like to claim soon; Late February-Late April 2014

There’s quite a wide time range here, because there’s one item on this list that can’t be fully completed until 3 months from now, but the others are concentrated around late February/early March.

  • Of course, the weight goal comes first! I want to be in the 170s (yes, I’ll settle for 179lbs) by my birthday at the end of February (more on this next post)! Then by early-mid march, I want to hit my actual short-term goal of 175lbs.
  • Drink enough water on average at least 6 days out of 7. I use an app for this, and it’s actually helping so much. I never used to be able to commit to using an app to track something like drinking water, but this is a game and it’s a bit addictive. You get a ‘plant’ and it either grows or dies depending on how much water you drink. Last week my plant died and the guilt that I felt for this fake arrangement of pixels was quite frightening when I realized that I didn’t have anywhere near that emotional response towards myself. I was the one actually not getting enough water. I only cared when some cute picture of a dandelion looked dead to show me how much I was depriving my body. If it keeps me accountable, I’ll grow as many plants as it wants. It’s extra fun if you’re doing it with a friend. Here’s the app.
  • My friend has been following an exercise program that she really likes and last night she linked it to me and asked me to do it with her. I’m totally going to do it! My first day is today. It’s a 90 day program, so my third short-term goal is to follow the entire program for the next 90 days. This is the program, if anyone wants to do it too!

And now these short-term goals in summary:

  • 175lbs by mid-March, with a checkpoint on my birthday in late February where I’m anywhere in the 170s.
  • Drink enough water at least 6 out of 7 days on average.
  • Follow and complete Warrior 90 program.

I’m excited!! I can definitely do this!

The fear of fear

I can’t believe I let this blog go over the entire school year, but it was worth it, because I got my degree, and stayed health conscious enough that over the late late nights of studying and the meals bought in the city, I only slipped by a few pounds. Over the entire YEAR. What that says to me is that I’ve raised the bar for myself. What I consider to be unhealthy now is what I thought was normal before. That’s a permanent change that I’m going to have forever. The next goal is raising the bar even further.

As much as I want my first proper entry back to be one of only happiness and excitement, I’m going to have to save that for the second one, because there’s something I have to deal with today.

This morning my aunt called me and when she calls we always talk about my mum. I’m gonna be straight up; it’s a bit of a bitching session. Depending on how my relationship with my mum is at the time, I’ll either indulge in it, or grit my teeth through it and humor her. But today was different. I’m not going to get into what we actually talked about but what happened was she said some stuff which was new but made so much sense that all the things my mum ever did began to snap into place and create the whole picture I was never able to see before. And it’s a picture that contradicts all the things I used to think I knew about her. I’ve always known she was a saboteur, but I never thought it was deliberate. I always knew she couldn’t understand things like most people could, but I thought it was legitimate lack of education & old age. I always knew that she delayed things, but I thought it was due to uncertainty. The solution I was given today, which makes all the sense that those beliefs never did, is that everything she does is deliberate and manipulative.

I never would have thought this about my mum, but I can’t shake how much it would explain practically everything she’s ever done. And that’s really frightening and upsetting to think that the one person who you thought loved you unconditionally and would never try to hurt you has essentially been doing that this whole time.

But this isn’t a personal woes complaint blog! I’m working through this because as much as I love my mum, every quality about myself that I don’t like, I got from her. I love her, but I hate when I see myself in her. The two major things she raised into me were fear and lack of accountability, which are the things that got me to that point several years ago, before I started making this change. I’m trying so hard to get rid of them. And if there’s any truth to this new theory then it might actually serve as a way to allow my mind to untangle itself from hers and let me grow into my own person. Which, ultimately, is what this journey’s all about.

I’m glad I did that. The next post will have GOAL SETTING, and be much more upbeat and positive!

Just so my silence isn’t misconstrued as me giving up…

I have not 🙂

Admittedly, over the first month of being back at uni, I have slowed down. Kind of. For some reason I thought I was at 184lbs in my last entry, but now that I see I was at 187.1lbs, I may not have slowed down as much as I thought. I don’t have very much to say, and honestly the way I got carried away and wrote massively long posts is one of the things that made me stop finding the time to update. But I do want to update. Even if no one reads it, I want a record for me. If this really is the real time for me, I want every second of it documented.

But for now, we’ll both have to settle for just a check-in. And not a bad one, at that!

Today’s weight: 183.7lbs

First deadline coming up!! & Plateau :-(

I may have hit my first plateau. Things were going pretty easily but lately I’ve been finding it hard to lose anything at all. I don’t want to spend a whole entry dwelling on this so this is just a quick post to let people know I’m still here and still going… I was starting to think keeping the blog didn’t effect my progress & motivation but I’m definitely beginning to think that’s not the case! 

It was my birthday on Tuesday and I did have a pretty unhealthy dinner, but I was on the go all day with a short film I’m making at the moment and I was still 160 calories under my limit. I had my regular oatmeal for breakfast & sushi for lunch. That’s soooo much better than the 5000 calorie birthdays I’m sure I’ve had in the past. And I’ve had a few days where I’m over this week, but there hasn’t been a single day I’ve been so far over that I would have gained. Every day myfitnesspal tells me I’ll either maintain, lose a little, or lose a lot.

So my question is, how do you break through a plateau? Do they give way naturally in time or do you have to actively take steps against them? The deadline for my first goal that I laid out back in this post is approaching very soon; uni starts in 3 days and it’s clear I won’t make the ambitious goal of being 180lbs by then, but there is still a chance I could possibly hit the ‘settling’ goal of being 185lbs, or at least within the first week. I saw a detox tea recipe by Jillian Michaels on Pinterest that makes you drop around 5lbs in a week. I usually wouldn’t go for anything so extreme but Jillian’s a professional and I trust her when she says it’s healthy & safe. That being said, I’ve looked all over for the ingredients and some of the things like Dandelion root tea bags & sugar free cranberry juice I’m pretty sure you just can’t get in my country! There’s an American store on the other side of the city which I might have to try, they had Quaker’s Oatmeal when I went there for it but I saw some comments from people living in America who said even they were having trouble finding the ingredients. For the moment I’m improvising with Alpine Tea & lemon juice.